When we were in the hospital, Jamey observed that as soon as the babies were out of my body, no one cared about mom - everyone (doctors, nurses, people) cared only about the babies. The fun and excitement gets wheeled out of the room with dad. And mom is left behind getting stitched up and tended to, but essentially ignored and out of the loop. Screw you, mom!
This is so true in our culture, too - pregnant women are held up as goddesses and photographed with bellies showing in ethereal fields and on beaches with soft lighting. Have you ever seen a picture of a postpartum mom taken the same way? No, we are disheveled messes who, even if we did shower, are sweating profusely, sleep deprived, and losing our hair.
I seriously had no warning or instruction on the types of postpartum clothing to have on hand. After the girls were born, I scrambled to buy some nursing tops. I had one nursing tank top prior to delivery but with spitting up, spills, leaks, etc., it would only last a few hours. Not to mention, I had grossly miscalculated my post-baby body situation - regular clothing did not fit. My "size" was not maternity anymore, nor was it pre-baby. So, finding myself constantly wearing the same pair of pajama pants and the one nursing top I owned, it was off to the store to find some middle sized in-between clothing. I ended up having to throw on some "belly baggy" maternity leggings just to go to the mall.
Enter Old Navy. The scene where I discovered the real problem. It wasn't that I was a few sizes up from my pre-baby size 6. No. I was "in between" a pre-baby size 6 and a maternity size medium. My body didn't conform to the shape of a normal person - giant boobs, swollen abdomen. Pants would go up my legs but come nowhere near to buttoning. Trying on pants, going up the sizes, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16...I felt like Grimace from the 80's era McDonald's commercials.
I left without buying any pants. I am not even sure I could go to a size high enough that would have fit since it wasn't the size, it was the shape that was the issue. I even tried on some leggings that I couldn't get over my hips. Awful. Humiliating.
I have since lost over 2/3 of the weight I gained and am starting to see the shape of the old me somewhere in this body. I am taking my body back. I signed up for a few 5Ks in November. I have been waking up early to run or go to the gym. I am sticking the kids in front of Sesame Street at night so I can cook home made dinners. Coming around the 9 month mark and I am just finally feeling less like a giant purple discarded monster and like a person again.
I may never look like the old me again, and that is fine. And once in a while I am reminded of how totally disabled I was when pregnant: During last Thursday's run, I came around a corner in my new neighborhood and my ipod informed me "two miles completed." And by total chance the Star Wars theme song came on. I nearly burst into tears feeling overwhelmed with accomplishment, when a year ago I couldn't even stand for longer than 10 minutes before having to rest. Take that, purple monster!!!
I have since lost over 2/3 of the weight I gained and am starting to see the shape of the old me somewhere in this body. I am taking my body back. I signed up for a few 5Ks in November. I have been waking up early to run or go to the gym. I am sticking the kids in front of Sesame Street at night so I can cook home made dinners. Coming around the 9 month mark and I am just finally feeling less like a giant purple discarded monster and like a person again.
I may never look like the old me again, and that is fine. And once in a while I am reminded of how totally disabled I was when pregnant: During last Thursday's run, I came around a corner in my new neighborhood and my ipod informed me "two miles completed." And by total chance the Star Wars theme song came on. I nearly burst into tears feeling overwhelmed with accomplishment, when a year ago I couldn't even stand for longer than 10 minutes before having to rest. Take that, purple monster!!!
